Rated: M | AKA: Mark Wahlberg's 9/11
Tucker Phelps
Regular Video Jerks Customer
04.30.2012
As much as I love renting movies at Video Jerks, I think that the store doesn't do much to promote the fact that they also rent video games.
I would never call myself a "gamer", in fact, aside from a few rounds of crystal castles when I was in junior high, I don't think I've played any video games and I could have gone through the rest of my life never doing so.
That was until I met Bree-Anne, the love of my life. Bree-Anne has got three kids. If the fastest way to a man's heart is his stomach, for a lady, it's got to be through her kids.
I decided that I needed to pick up a game console in order to give the kids something to do while me and Bree-Anne got "cozy".
I went down to the SeaBirds shopping complex and picked up a PlayStation 2, what I thought was the hottest gaming machine (that's what the clerk said). I guess the clerk lied to me. Bree-Anne's kids laughed at me and called me a "Choad-Loader". Unfortunately, since I didn't pass the kid's sniff test, Bree-Anne's pathway to earthly delights closed to me forever.
At least I got to keep the PlayStation 2.
I wandered heartbroken into Video Jerks and told one of the friendly clerks about my predicament. I told them I was so sad that I wanted to jump out of a plane without a parachute.
Just then, a clerk handed me a copy of "Mark Wahlberg's 9/11 for PlayStation 2" and told me to try it.
That clerk saved my life that night.
"MW911" is a virtual "What If?" where you play actor Mark Wahlberg, not Mark Wahlberg playing a character, but the actual movie star, during the events of September 11th 2001.
Mark (You) takes on a plane-full of terrorists with a phalanx of sweet-ass weapons fashioned from thing found on the plane. Mark (You) makes a zip gun from a complimentary toothbrush, non-dairy creamer and some stale peanuts.
Every time you take out a terrorist, a video of real-life Mark Wahlberg appears with a cool catchphrase like "I bet this guy just Fatwah'd his pants" or "Say hello to your boyfriend, Osama for me," and dozens more.
I love this game. I don't want to spoil it, but if you play your cards right, you land all the planes safely and Osama Bin Laden gets a "Wahlberg Special" right in the chops.
The graphics are top notch; you can see every nuance of Mark's face. I wish they would have used Mark's voice, but I guess he was probably busy producing "Entourage". The guy (Billy West) kind of sounds like him, so I guess it's close enough.
There is a multiplayer section of the game, but I don't have any friends, so I couldn't try it.
I give, "Mark Wahlberg's 9/11" Fifty stars, and thirteen stripes.
Tucker Phelps was once considered a "person of interest" in the "Harold Stabber" serial killings. He likes to take long walks alone. This is his first review for Video Jerks.
