Color/BW: Color | Runtime 88 | AKA: Brokeback Cowboys
Name Withheld by Request
Video Jerks Customer
REVIEW: I'm a filmmaker, so I think I know a thing or three about movies. I'm currently taking this weak-ass class at Harold Community College, called "Progressive Cinema". It's a class where you watch a lot of movies from other countries with lame subtitles and ladies wearing robes. This week, our assignment was to "Find a movie with a Homosexual Theme". Ugh. Really?
I asked the teach, "Hey, does 'Thor' count?" He didn't laugh, even though he knew I was funny. He's bitter like that, most likely because he's stuck at a crappy community college, instead of making flicks like me.
I have to admit that although I know a shitload about movies, I don't know much about gay ones (except for 'Thor' – ohhhh snap. I did it again). I headed down to my favorite video store, Video Jerks, to see what I could see.
I had a problem, though. What if some hot chick saw me looking at the gay movie section? What a way to get laid –NOT.
Then I figured it out, there's got to be a few gay movies that aren't in the gay section. I put my thinkin' lid on and got to searching.
I saw the case for "BrokeBack Cowboys" and thought it may have been some kind of sequel to "Brokeback Mountain" (I didn't watch that, I don't want to sully my memories of Heath Ledger as the ultimate Joker, humpin' Donnie Darko). I saw that Wilfred Brimley (The Thing, Cocoon), Barry Corbin (No Country For Old Men, Northern Exposure) and James Garner (THE FUCKING ROCKFORD MOTHERFUCKING FILES) are stars in it. Those guys are pretty butch, so I was thinking at the very worst, it was only gonna be semi-gay.
The truth is, the only thing gay about this movie is that it isn't longer.
I loved "Brokeback Cowboys". Wilfred Brimley plays, "Hoss" a no-nonsense former High School wrestling coach who has been training horses since he was fired from his job. Barry Corbin is "Josiah" an old friend who has been in Texas for the last thirty years becoming a millionaire from oil who has come back to town to take Hoss to his palatial estate in order to raise his horses and coach the oil company's wrestling team. James Garner plays, "Jim", Hoss's roommate, who doesn't trust Josiah one bit.
Along the way, there is a runaway train, a gunfight, a sauna, and a heartbreaking ending that almost made this one hundred percent straight reviewer cry like a baby.
Trust me, when you see Hoss take his last breath, even you won't be able to hold back the waterworks. SPOILER ALERT.
I will say that if I had made this movie, I would have had more fart jokes in it. These dudes seem to eat nothing but beans and coffee and I heard nary a peep of farts in this movie.
Unfortunately, this movie didn't satisfy my "gay" requirement (I watched 'Basic Instinct' for that---meeeeeeeeowwwwww), but I think I learned a thing or two about how to make an awesome flick.
NAME WITHHELD by REQUEST is the pseudonym of filmmaker Mark White, whose film "The Banana Looks Happy to See You" was once mentioned on an internet forum. He has a gay stepbrother, so it's okay for him to say something is "gay" if he doesn't like it. His stepbrother said so. This is his first piece for Video Jerks.